One of the podcasts I enjoy listening to is by Tim Ferriss (the author of, among others, the four hour workweek book). A recent episode was with Terry Real, a therapist, who lamented about western culture’s rules about how men and women are supposed to act and behave. Men are supposed to be tough, suppress their feelings and act as if nothing can touch them. The challenge is that in relationships at home or at work, people want to connect which is not a rational act, but an emotional one. And that requires opening up and being vulnerable which is really scary. Especially, in my experience, for men who are taught from an early age to close off. When reaching positions of leadership, it becomes even more difficult as you put even more expectations on yourself on what your people expect from you. The interesting thing is, though, that I have had the best outcomes when I open up to my team, explain what I feel and then ask for help. So, next time you feel the need to close up and put up walls, see if you can do the opposite. Being tough often creates distance when you need the opposite.